When you move like a jellyfish, rhythm don't mean nothing...

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I love twitter names for snowstorms. I love snowstorms. I mentioned the one that gave us 14 inches, which are still - for the most part - still here, despite the sun's best efforts to melt it away yesterday. I mean, there is a lot less of it, but I still can't see the ground anywhere that wasn't shoveled. :-) And now they're predicting even more snow/bad weather starting this afternoon. My exam tomorrow was preemptively cancelled because the professor has to drive it to class, as well as some of the students, and he didn't want to risk people not being able to get there. So no class tomorrow night. That means tonight I get to just hang out and not stress about not studying while I watch LOST (because, let's face it, I will never give up LOST to do anything else, hah). 

I also hate being that person who is all 'Everything was terrible then God spoke to me and life is fantastic now', but I did get a few moments of clarity recently, a few random happenstances (certain songs coming on my iTunes in a row while it was on shuffle, a friend posting a particular bible verse in their facebook status right before I logged on, my mom and sister having off school Monday so that if I come home I can stay all day Sunday and leave the next day, etc) that really made things click for me yesterday. Do I think God finagled my iPod playlist? No. But it was exactly the sort of sign/answer/thinking points I had been praying about, and random or not, I'm glad it happened. 

I feel like nothing can go wrong now. I know that I can, and it probably will, but I am getting better at perspective. At having faith that everything is happening for a reason. At knowing that all of the bad times just help us to better appreciate the good ones, and that in time we will learn to not have 'bad' times, only slightly worse times than the really good ones. ^_^ I love these little optimistic moods. I may ignore my reading and celebrate with a movie or something... I don't know. The fact that I already started memorizing most of the material and now I have a whole extra week to do it has really made my life so much easier (though I can't slack because I do have another exam next week, so I need to start studying for that one, too...)

Anyway, enough with the rambling. Time to be productive. 

I haven't written on here in a while, been busy. Still busy. Lots of mood swings lately, I don't really know what's up with that. I've been emotional, a little. Upset a lot. Brooding and dwelling on thoughts and the like. I think it's the lack of outside time. I love to just walk places, or sit outside with my notebook or readings for class... lately it has been too cold, or snowy, or rainy. I need to go to the gym more, I am a billion pounds overweight. I wish I had more friends to do stuff with. I never realized how much I relied on Amanda to do things with me and fill my free time until she had someone else to fill her free time with. I am going through a period of homesickness as well, which isn't helping. Lots of exams and assignments coming up. I'm sure this won't be pretty for a while, but I'm sure I can pull through it. I always do.  

Besides all of that depressing nonsense, pep band is going well. I am going to see a movie in a few minutes, Men Who Stare At Goats. It is playing for free at my school, so why not? I hope I like it, I've heard mixed reviews. You know what I do like? Ocean's Eleven. Just watched that for the billionth time yesterday. :-) I am going to see if I can donate plasma on Friday. Hopefully I can, I would love to have that extra money every week to buy clothes and food and things I don't really need. :-) Mainly some new clothes. I get invited places sometimes now - not a lot, but more than never which was how often I got invited to things before this year - so a nice dress or two wouldn't hurt. Keeping my fingers crossed. There are 14 inches of snow on the ground right now. I fully intend on rolling around on it a little tonight before I come in to take a shower. Yes, I am a five year old. I'll have a bow on while I do it, just to prove that point. 

Also, the saved draft function of LiveJournal, for when you're typing something and accidentally click off the page, is my saving grace on this site. Otherwise I would've lost many a lengthy LJ post. 

((I am sorry that this thing is making weird spaces between lines. I have no idea how to fix that...)

 

 So, the only downside about this weekend was that Amanda was't around for it! Though since my classes end on Thursday, I will count Thursday night as part of my weekend so that my night of fun with her (as documented in my last post on here) will count and she will have been a part of my best weekend ever. ^_^ 

So, I wrote about Thursday night, and the fun that was had. On Friday I met some friends for lunch. It was a fun time, and at the end we were all trying to figure out something we could do later that day/night. Someone suggested we go to Erin's cabin, which is 2 hours away from school. She called her mom to see if it was alright and she said yes, and so the plans were made. I decided that I would go along on this impromptu camping trip, since it seemed fun! So we got off to a late start waiting for people who had work/meetings and didn't leave campus until close to 7:00 pm. We got there at 9 and had to do the shopping, since the cabin had no food. We got drinks, watched My Sassy Girl (which was a terrible movie), and played a ridiculous board game called the Doctor Laura Game . We didn't go to bed until 5 am, and it was overall just a great time full of good friends and junk food. The next morning (or should I say afternoon, because we didn't really wake up and get going until noon) we went to a great little restaurant and got burgers, which were delicious. After we got back to the cabin we went for a walk around the cabin's property to a creek behind the house, which was beautiful. I never wanted to leave, but I couldn't feel my feet (it was below 30 degrees for sure, probably only in the teens or low twenties) so we headed back inside to warm up and clean up the cabin. Since most of us had commitments later that night back at school we ended up leaving around 4 after driving around the small town for a little while. The ride home was made up of sing alongs of top 40 songs, which was FANTASTIC. All in all, a great time. 

Once I got back it was pretty much time to change and go to the Motion City Soundtrack concert with my friend Alexis. Once I got there we sat in line for an hour and a half which was completely worth it because we were right up front - which I needed to be because I am SHORT. This did mean that when the crowd surged forward we were pretty much squished, but that was fine by me. I got stepped on, kicked in the head by crowd surfers, couldn't hear right afterward, had a sore throat from screaming so much, and had the sweat of at least a dozen other people on me, but those are just the signs of a fantastic concert. Set Your Goals put on a great show, too (they opened), and I really loved that MCS played a TON of the songs from their new album. After the show we stuck around and met some of the band, and I got my picture taken with the guitarist, Matthew Taylor.

Today was meant for homework, but I really just slept in, got brunch, and procrastinated. I have no idea how I managed to not do any work all day. Then I had my bible study tonight, which was exactly what I needed to end my weekend with. That is the one thing that I will always leave feeling great from, no matter what else is going on in my life. And that is my life right now. After a fairly craptastic week, I had four days of pure joy, which I can't say has ever happened to me before. Not a single thing went wrong in any of those days, unless you count the fact that I didn't do any of my reading/homework which I have to do now. But whatever. Because this weekend was definitely needed. I can't say that I deserved it, but I definitely needed it. Can't wait to see Amanda again tomorrow and get to talk to her about all sorts of things, about my weekend and life in general. I know it has only been three days, but I feel like I haven't seen her for weeks. Well, time to go do all of that work now. Hope everyone else had a great weekend! 
 

 Who knew that I would've got a new life lesson from a night of mild drinking and wishing I could "dance with swagger"? But I did, none the less. Last night was fantastic. Off to a late start because of the basketball game going into overtime (and after all of that, we LOST! *sigh*), but eventually I got to Amanda's room. At which point I discovered I had found an alcoholic drink she actually enjoys! Awesomesauce. So we just sort of sat around having a drink or two and watching America's Best Dance Crew. At which point I decided 'I wish I could dance like that', and attempted to do so. For those of you who don't know me, I have the dancing ability of a rock. I couldn't dance to save my life, if it came down to it. It's pretty helpless. But I danced, and laughed, and sat around and talked. And it was a great feeling, to lose that little voice that always seems to be present in my head making me re-think every little move I make and keeping me from saying things because I'm afraid it may possible maybe be taken the wrong way by somebody in the universe, which is how I generally live my life. 

 

I know the alcohol helped a little in the whole 'not over thinking everything', but I realized that there is no reason why I can't be like that 24/7. Not drinking 24/7, but able to quiet that voice at times and just have a little fun, regardless of what people around me would think about it. I'm pretty sure Amanda enjoyed my company 20 times more last night than she had any of our other get togethers all year (she can refute me on this if she wants, though I don't think she will). I'm not saying I'm going to dance in public (that is still a terrible idea), but I am going to remind myself that I don't always have to think so hard about trying to please everyone all of the time. I don't have to worry about what everyone things about me when I say or do things, as long as I'm enjoying myself every now and again. That sometimes it's okay to ignore that little voice saying 'you look RIDICULOUS', because sometimes it's fun to be a little ridiculous. Not all the time. That voice has kept me out of trouble plenty in the past. But sometimes. 

 

A great weekend lies ahead during which I suppose I will continue to test this theory. Trial run a new persona. Erica, version 1.9 (it's in beta testing. When it is officially released it will be 2.0). Looking forward to lunch with friends, a movie or bowling, maybe a party tonight, Motion City Soundtrack tomorrow, and who knows what else the weekend may bring (besides the epic reading due for my Political Science class, of course). 
 

Wishing you all a fantastic weekend! 

 Yesterday was, overall, a good day. Got to the gym, met some friends for lunch, hung out with some of the color guard girls at the band building while we counted/organized the flags that needed to be inventoried and sent out to be cleaned. Then I went to the HUB to see some local bands (The Exclusive Document and British Phil) and We Are Scientists (who were fantastic!) perform! However, the highlight of my night was supposed to be hanging out with inflationary  (aka Amanda, whom I reference at least once in almost every update on here!), but she got stuck in her dorm doing RA stuff (Resident Assistants are in charge of floors of dorms, so when there's a problem she has to be around!) So after a few songs by We Are Scientists I headed up to her room to spend some time with her. We ordered pizza, and talked, and it was pretty great. One of the things I miss most about being her roommate is just the amount of time we'd spend sitting around the room talking. Whenever something was on my mind she was always right there to talk about it with. So now it's sort of become necessary for me to have time once a week to just hang out and talk about everything that's on my mind, or else I'm going to go crazy. :-) She's really the best friend anyone could ask for. It was nice to talk a little about my week and life in general. I'm going to be lost without her around next year!

Today Amanda and I got brunch, then decided to play some basketball in the gyms near her dorm. It was tons of fun. I'm terrible at basketball. We were pretty ridiculous at times, but made some pretty spectacular (though purely lucky) shots, too! Then on the way out we decided to attempt racquetball, not caring that neither of us have ever played racquetball. That was fun. Hopefully we're going to make this a weekly thing. After that we made a Target run because we needed essential things like soap and food, and then pit stopped at Dairy Queen on the way home. My night was topped off by video chatting with my family. I miss them tons, and February 19th could not get here fast enough for me to go home!

Tomorrow I have another basketball game to do pep band at, then not a whole lot else. Probably watching the Jets game on TV, hoping they get to go to the Superbowl this year since they're my mom and dad's favorite team. Then probably more homework, but who knows? 

So yeah. A probably pointless update, but if I don't get in the habit of regularly writing in here I'm just going to forget about it and let it die like I have all of my other journals, and I don't want that to happen. :-) 

After one terrible day and one mediocre/passable day, I think that today is going to be my good day. Though I didn't wake up at 6:15 like I wanted to (I slept through several strategically timed alarms all the way up until 6:58, actually), I did wake up by 7, go to the gym, get back, shower, and buy fruit and veggies for my lunch later. For now, this delicious yogurt parfait is the first breakfast I've eaten all year. I haven't been up for breakfast since December. :-) I have a lot of reading to do before classes, but class doesn't start until 4 and it is only 9. I'm really hoping my backed up reading isn't more than 7 hours worth! And I've resigned myself to doing nothing but that until it is finished.

I do have to give a little hopeful/excited/happy rant about the MA elections, but I will put it under a cut (assuming I can remember/figure out how to do the cut on LJ) so you don't have to read it if you don't want to. :-) 

( La la la, political rant, la la la. )( [Political opinion rant][/Political opinion rant] )

Sorry if I lost any followers there. I promise that political rants, though a large part of my thought process, are a very rare occasion on Livejournal, so you don't have to worry about reading any more about that. So now on to things that aren't me being reminded why I love my chosen career path. I need to play the piano sometime soon. I've recently heard a few songs that I thought would be fun to learn, but finding sheet music for them is proving difficult. If I can just take some time to buckle down and catch up on my school work, though (yes, yes, I've started yet another semester WAY behind in my readings) I can make the free time I need to do those fun things. 

For now, I've got the news on in the background, a playlist made for study-time, and a day ahead of me that is mine to make or break. 

It is 11:00 pm, and I have yet to start my homework. Why? Because today sucked. I thought I was over these bad moods. I thought things were getting better. But really, it was just being pushed away, not gone forever. Over break it wasn't an issue because what was there to set it off? Nothing. Just friends and family and relaxing. I got a little stressed/depressed over the bowl trip, but that was only a few days, and then I was back to relaxing. And this past week, while I had classes, were all just getting started. I didn't even own the textbooks until Saturday so there was no work to be done, nothing to worry about. 

And now it all hit me. Today was supposed to be the day I got the work done, did the readings, and ended the day by relaxing and watching Chuck with Amanda. But I didn't do any of that. First, I was awake half the night with an upset stomach that wouldn't go away. Then I slept in way later than I had intended, probably because I was up half the night. Around noon I could feel the boredom starting to turn into sadness and I watched some more Yu Yu Hakusho online, and talked to some friends. That didn't make it better so much as just put it on the back burner. Not that it wasn't great to talk to people. I really do miss being back home with them (though I guess they're all back at college now, too).  I did print out my notes, and started to highlight a bit. I skipped lunch. I've actually spoken, as in exchanged words vocally, to two people today: The lady who rang me up at the West Wing, and the Insomnia cookies guy. About five words each. I should take up a vow of silence, because it wouldn't be that far from where I'm at now. At least when we have classes I have an excuse to leave my room and see the outside world. I have a reason to exist. What was today? Today was nothing. Today was why did I bother to get out of bed and put clothes on. 

I've decided not to do any work until midnight. Today was a waste of existence, trying to make the last half hour better is laughable... but there's always the hope of making tomorrow better. I've made a 30-minute mix to start after My Life as Liz is over in a few minutes and get back into a nice, positive mindset for the rest of this week. The week is definitely salvageable. Hopefully this was just a bad day, one of those things you can't explain and forget about the next day. Everyone has bad days, after all. Good thing this one is all but over. Time to make tomorrow a better one. 

Here's to no more wasted days. 

<3

A. List seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself.
B. Tag seven people to do the same.
C. Do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag "whoever wants to do it".

1. I am a little OCD about making sure things are locked/unplugged. I will check my door to make sure it is locked before bed/when I leave at least two times. 

2. I hate writing in blue ink. I don't know why, all I know is that I will only write in blank ink if there is any possible way I can get to a black pen instead of a blue one. 

3. I love bright colors. Pillows, clothing, markers, anything that is a bright color. Neon is fantastic. 

4. I am a huge tomboy when it comes to movies. If things blow up, there is tons of action, some gore, then I'm good to go. I love action movies and horror movies more than any girl should. 

5. I love the snow. I love cold weather in general. I hate being warm, I hate sweating, heat is not my thing. Fall is perfect, when you can go outside and be just a little chilly with your t-shirt or a light jacket on, that's the best sort of weather. Perfect, really. 

6. I am painfully indecisive. Whether it's about lunch, or what color shirt to wear, or something more important like where I wanted to go to school and what I wanted to major in (though clearly I was forced to make those decisions! It took until the last moment, though, and I changed my mind a lot.) 

7. I know it doesn't do any good, but a lot of the time I find myself wondering how different my life would be today if I had made different choices. If I would make the same choices knowing what I know now. Those sorts of things. 

And there you have it! 

TAGGING: geleha choperena masobelle inflationary kami_llama thisgypsyspeaks cailatan 

I know that it's stereotypical and shallow and shows just how little self confidence I have, but I seriously feel 100 times better about myself once I've put on makeup, and I'm totally okay with that fact... as long as I never run out of makeup. :-)

Anyway, had a fantastic night with Amanda last night. Wal Mart, the diner, watching the Goofy Movie, then waking up to watch Chuck, get a panini for lunch, then watch Psych while we played mancala, boggle, and scrabble. Which I won, for the first time EVER. It was fantastic.

Anyway, listening to some Vitamin String Quartet while I get ready for the night. Improv festival tonight from 8-10, then playing more board games at the HUB until the free movie at midnight (Zombieland!) which I'm really excited to see. Then I have a busy weekend ahead of me with parties to go to Saturday night and Sunday night, which will be fun!

My first week of classes is already over. Thanks to the ridiculous fact that most of my classes are only available Tuesday/Thursday or one day a week for three hours at a time, I managed to not have any Friday classes this spring semester. That's pretty nifty, I guess, though I would much rather not have all of the night classes that I do now. Such is life. Overall the week went by nicely. I only had an issue with one class, which I promptly dropped and switched with another class that I needed anyway, so it all worked out. I have some awesome Professors, and some pretty interesting classes lined up - lots of work, but none of it seems like anything I won't be able to suffer through. Plus, I have a lot of free time during the days and weekends, especially now that marching band is over, so that should help out a TON. I've yet to go buy books, though, so I'll do that tomorrow. Though marching band is over, I am in the Basketball Pep Band, I play the cymbals. We really only play during fight songs... everything else we just sort of hold the cymbals for the snare drummers to play. It's still fun, though! I'm glad I did it this year.

So classes are going to be alright, I think. I've been spending some time with Amanda, too, which is great. I still can't believe this is our last semester together. But, as that is the sad truth, I am being my normal overbearingly obnoxious self and spending as much time as possible with her. I hope I don't get too annoying. I'm sure once I have lots of work and reading to do I'll be able to take that step back and not be around all the time, even if I want to. :-) She's just great to be around, though. She always knows what I'm feeling, even when I won't admit it, and she can always make me feel better.

I've been talking to Abbey a lot recently, too. She's over in France studying abroad, but through the modern technological miracle of Skype I get to talk to her almost as much as I did when she was still at school here. As someone who has never left the country, not even to go to Mexico or Canada, I am jealous of her and all of my study abroad friends. So cool!

So now I'm just sitting in my room, waiting for Amanda to finish the work she has left before we make a Target run for some college essentials... or just stuff I need to wear to a party this weekend. Haha. And I'm on a serious Vitamin String Quartet kick right now. If you've never heard of them, check them out! They do string quartet tributes of tons of popular songs/bands, and each one is fantastic!

That's all I've got for now. Hopefully more interesting updates/stories to come in the future weeks!

Last night was probably my last night of seeing friends before I go back tomorrow night. I don't want to. I don't I don't I don't. I always feel terrible admitting that, because I do love my friends from college. I do miss them, and want to hang out with them. And if we could all just go back to State College for a month or something and hang out and have parties and get lunch and stuff, that'd be fantastic. But that isn't how life works. Life works with college. With classes and schoolwork and studying and exams. Life works with stress and panic attacks and being bored and a room that's either freezing or too hot. I have to spend way more money on books than should be allowed for any individual, and there's the constant knowledge that this is my last semester with Amanda. She's been my rock throughout the last two and a half years and I have no idea what I'm going to do without her being within five minutes of me on any given day, at home or at school. I don't want this half of the year to come, because once it starts there's no stopping it, and then it will be halfway over, then almost over, and then over, and I don't know if I can deal with that. With being a senior next year. With everything that comes with it. I just want to stay right here, right now, forever. Winter vacation, before real life hits, with friends and family all within visiting distance.

Other than all of that on my mind, things are alright. I got a second piercing on each of my earlobes, but I don't think I like where they put it. In too much, not high enough. I'm going to give it a day or two but I think I'm going to get it grow closed and try again. Woo, waste of $20. Oh well. I cooked dinner the other night for the first time, it was pretty good! Cooking is fun, I liked it. I had a sleepover last night with Liz, Amanda, Beki, and Dani. I miss them all so much (well, I see Amanda a lot, but I still miss her a lot when she's not around and love seeing her!) and it was great to get that in before we started having to go back to school. Amanda and I leave to go back tomorrow night, actually. So soon!

I'm going to start one of those body cleanses where you only eat limited amounts of certain foods like citrus fruits and broccoli for four days, to help rid your body of toxins. I'm hoping this is going to do something good for me. We'll see. I need something, a little jump start in the getting my body into better shape as I get back to school were my gym membership is for the rest of the year. I did miss the treadmill over break...

For now, it's time to hang and watch football with my parents. Since the Steelers didn't make it into the playoffs, I am now defaulting to the Jets for the rest of the season. Here's hoping they'll go all the way! ^_^

My friends are crazy. They'll do anything at any time. They can take the most mundane of topics and make it ridiculous. The inside jokes are limitless, anything can be a reference or innuendo, and they could make fun of me for hours and I wouldn't even think twice about anything being in bad sport. They're a diverse group, they're a fun group, and they're people that I wish I could just spend every day of my life hanging out with. I'm so sad to see winter break almost coming to an end! With one friend already gone back to school, and my arrival date in a few short days, I'm already missing them and I'm not even gone yet!


I know I said I'd write about the bowl trip. It was fun, I was in Florida for a few days, I hung out with friends, drank a little, watched some football, performed for some people, and went to Universal. There, I wrote about it. There's a part of me that knows that I love the bowl game trips, but I think a bigger part of me would've much rather been at home doing the New Years thing with my high school friends. The whole reason I went on the bowl trip was because it was my last one with Amanda, but I didn't see her very much, so meh. I did get to meet two new friends, Kelly and Tony, which was great! I'm hoping to keep in touch with them over this next semester, even though band is over. So there were definitely aspects of the trip that were worth it, don't get me wrong. Making new friends was definitely at the top of that list, probably only just behind watching Penn State win the bowl game! ^_^

So now that I covered that, I came back on the 2nd. I updated about the hair and the laser quest. I don't remember what days I've done what, so now it's general rundown of my week so far. I spent a lot of time sitting around with my dad, just hanging out. He's a construction worker and he hasn't had work for a week or so now. His next house starts Friday, so I've had tons of time to spend with him, which is great. Not great that he isn't working, but great that I get to see him a lot before I leave again. I watched the new Hamlet with David Tennant in it with my friends Caitlin and Liz, which was FANTASTIC because we're all giant Doctor Who nerds, and so we just kept making references and being awesome. :-) After that I went to Friendly's and then bowling with some other friends, which was another great time. It was the last big hangout of the year, I think, because now our little group is starting to leave to go back to school for the semester. It was a fantastic day of friends, and laughter, and being ridiculous. We called each other from one booth away in the restaurant, and cheered obnoxiously when people knocked down a single pin at the bowling alley. It was fantastic. Today was spent with family, first going to lunch (Five Guys) and video game shopping with my dad, then to Wal*Mart and Target with my sister, then after dinner playing Taboo with the whole family. Another great day.

I only have three full days left home, I don't know if I'm going back to school Saturday or Sunday yet. I hope that the next three days are just as great as the last three, but who knows. Maybe I'll just lounge around the house? Maybe I'll get to see friends. I think I'm going to buy stuff to make dinner for the VERY FIRST TIME EVER tomorrow, which will probably be terrible and then we'll just have to get fast food, but I'm excited. I might go get my ears pierced tomorrow. A second hole in my lobe, I don't know if I want the cartilage since my hair is always down now with the new cut and you'll never be able to see it. Guess I'll wait and see. I don't have a whole lot of Christmas/end-of-semester-book-selling-back money, but I do have a little left. It'll probably be gone by the week's end. :-)

Best wishes to everyone out there, hope all of you are having a great start to this new year.

Every once and a while I get fed up. I get tired of the ruts I've fallen into. I get angry with myself, with the fact that I never change, that everything is just the same, over and over and over and over. That I'm never going to get better, be better, make things better for myself or anyone else. I get frustrated and upset, I feel like I'm not in charge of my own life any more, like the hands of fate are just throwing me about, twisting and turning and never letting me get a firm grip. And then I break down a little, and I need to control things. Then I make crazy changes in my lifestyle or appearance or both, because I can. Simply because it is something I have control over still.

Though I doubt this will be the last of this particular phase, I would like to proudly take this moment to announce RIDICULOUS CHANGE NUMBER ONE: THE HAIRCUT! I went to the hair dresser, thinking I may just get some more layers, take an inch or so off, maybe. When I sat down, I made the decision to make a huge change. And I got half of my hair cut off. SO SHORT! Pictures to come later, perhaps. Anyway, yes. Super short, but cute, and I love it. My hair hasn't been this short in over 7 years.

Tonight was a good night. I've been having so many bad ones recently that I can really truly appreciate the good ones. I got home early and spent the afternoon with my sister getting our hair done, then the early evening with my family eating dinner and playing games on the Wii. Then I went to play Laser Quest with some fantastic friends, but there wasn't enough room for our group of 12 so we had to wait until the 10:20 one. We went to a diner nearby to wait it out (though most of us just had water), and then played some awesome laser tag. Followed by yet another diner trip, this time to actually get food. It was a long night, considering I've been awake for nearly 24 hours straight now (went to the Capital One Bowl this past week, left the hotel in Orlando for the airport at 4 am this morning!). But it was a great night. I really needed a night like this.

And that was my first day back in good old Pennsylvania after being away for a few days with band. I'll update about the bowl trip later, perhaps. But for now, I'm just satisfied with today.

To more changes in the future... hopefully more good than bad!

I guess you'll have to wait until after the New Year's for my yearly 'everything I'm going to change except I'm not really I'm just going to talk about it and then never do anything about it' post since I'll be at the Capital One Bowl on New Years. I'm going down to Orlando, FL with the Penn State Blue Band from the 29th until the 2nd, so I won't be online at all during those five days. That's a crazy thought, I haven't gone that long without internet in, well, FOREVER, probably.

I watched Doctor Who: The End of Time part 1 last night, and wow. Just wow! That was one of the most dramatically spectacular Doctor Who related things I've seen since I started watching with the ninth doctor. I was really impressed, and I can't wait to see the conclusion when it airs in the US on January 2nd. Hopefully we won't get delayed in Florida or stuck in State College coming back from the bowl game so that I can get home in enough time to watch it! Yes, I am a giant nerd sometimes. But only sometimes.

I just got the new Alice in Chains CD, I'm pretty excited to see how that turns out for me. I haven't listened to it yet, right now the Steeler's game is on TV, then I'm meeting up with some friends to see Holmes at the movie theater. I'm excited for that, I really enjoy Robert Downey, Jr. He's a great actor. One of my favorites, right up there with Johnny Depp. But not because of things like the Pirates movies. Things like Secret Window, or Charlie and the Chocolate factory. Those are why I like him. But that is neither here nor there.

I am very off topic and jumpy today with my writing. I tried to write a short story sort of thing earlier and it was all over the place. I just scrapped the whole thing, it wasn't coming out like I wanted anyway. All in all just a pretty plain, ordinary day for me here. Wish I had something more exciting to report. At least I'm going to be updating more regularly now that I plan on adding a bunch of new friends on LJ. I just hope I don't bore them away first!

I don't have much to update right now. I'm going through a weird time right now. I have some serious highs, but some serious lows. I'm not sure what dictates my mood any more. I am having a great break, really. Seeing friends, hanging out, Christmas was fantastic. I don't deserve the new MacBook Pro that I got today, I really don't. I haven't done anything special. I certainly haven't done my best recently.

I've been having some of the most honest conversations with friends over the past week. It's been liberating, but also scary to admit things sometimes. I'm getting better at it. Other than that, there are some things only PostSecret will know. :-D

I want change. I'm surrounding myself with it, as best as I can. Change and distractions. Distractions from the lows, I guess. Which I shouldn't have. Life isn't terrible right now. At this very moment it has no school, which is fantastic. Still, filling my time with music, movies, new television shows, and anime. I'm getting some new ear piercings. And a hair cut. And maybe a new color. I need to meet new people. Broaden my horizons. You know, all the good stuff that usually comes with the 'end of another year and look how little I've done' mindset.

That is all for now. Traditional post-Christmas gift exchange with the besties tomorrow, then playing Monopoly with my family. We haven't played a game as a family in FOREVER. I am pretty excited. Hopefully I can make time to see Holmes before I have to leave for the bowl game on Monday. Oh man, Monday already. Oh man oh man. I know it will fly by, but I hate the idea of time away from my family and high school friends. I wish I could go to Hayley's New Year's Eve party for once. To see Marisa before she goes to London. So many things I should be doing with my time, but it's a free trip to Orlando, right? No harm in that... right? Meh.

Here's to more good moods than bad ones in future days. <3

I'm halfway through my junior year. I'm almost a Senior. My best friend is almost graduating. I am almost a wreck when I think about it, so I don't think about it. The semester is over, though, and that's nice, because for a few short weeks I don't have to worry about how far behind I am in classes and how much work lies ahead of me. I can just sit back, not make any money at all, and be lazy. I don't mind that one bit. And the bowl trip! I get to go to Florida to watch PSU beat LSU on New Years. I get to go to Universal. I am mostly excited to see my back home friends, though. Potluck dinners and pizza trips and laser quest and who knows what other shenanigans! I have been watching too much television now that finals are over. I think I've watched an entire season's worth of Buffy today. I should be more productive with my time. I did sell back books and clean my room pretty well, so I guess that plus finals earns me some vegging out in front of the TV time, right? Right.

Now it's time to get some sleep to prepare for the awesome that will be Pittsburgh with Amanda and Abbey tomorrow. Maybe back in time to see a band at a bar before I leave on Thursday! I am so excited. So excited. SO SO SO SO SO excited to see my family.

In closing, Buffy & Spike forever <3 <3

Last night I was talking with Amanda, and she mentioned that she can always tell when I'm upset. The term she used was 'when you hate the world', actually. And I asked her if she thought I hated the world just then, at that moment. I didn't. As a matter of fact, I'm rarely happier than when I'm justing hanging around in her room watching a movie and spending some time with her, as I know I only have half a year left before she graduates. But that is a whole other post all together. So I asked her if she thought I hated the world, and she replied with "not entirely." I was confused, and said as much, because I didn't hate the world at all. I was very happy! To which she replied something along the lines of "you always hate the world just a little".

I denied it and left it go, but it's sort of been on my mind ever since. I don't want to be that person. The always-negative-on-the-inside sort of person who people feel just don't appreciate good times. Because I do. And maybe I get myself down a little more than I should, but that is 50% of the time, max. There are plenty of times that I'm perfectly content, that I'm happy. And the fact that my best friend doesn't think that I'm ever happy shows me something about myself I hadn't realized before.

I need to stop being that person. I don't want to be that person. So I will no longer be that person. Done. Negative Nancy is exiled from Happy Erica Island, or something to that effect. Just you wait and see.

I have no idea why I posted my last to entries to my old account, EasyToExplain. That is not my account anymore, computer, why did you load that username and password automatically!? I didn't even think to check, I just wrote and posted, then did the same thing again before I realized, hey, something is not right. So... yeah. Back to this one, because this is the journal I'm using, for realsies.

Things are alright. I know I have a lot of stuff to do in the next few weeks before I can escape in the glory that is Thanksgiving break, but because none of it is due tomorrow I can't bring myself to be overly concerned, let alone begin assignments that aren't due for a week in the middle of the day on Wednesday. I guess this isn't really the middle of the day... I've only been awake for 3 hours, and unless I plan on going to bed at 2 pm I guess this is far from the middle of my day. I do need to get more done, though. I really, truly do. Maybe I will get something done tonight, since baseball has taken over my usual nightly programming. Or maybe I'll just watch baseball all night. I am 21 now, maybe I'll have a drink and watch sports.

I am 21 now. That happened. It was a great night, tons of fun, good times were had. Is it really that wrong to like having the edge taken off of life sometimes? I mean, I'm not saying I'm going to drink every single time life gets a little tough, but it is nice to have that worry fade away, and just be a little carefree for a night, isn't it? I think it is. Nothing wrong with that. I enjoy The Saloon, and the Monkeyboys that come with it. I wonder if the cover band is playing tonight that played last week, because of the game being on and all. I don't know if putting the game on has precedence over something like that. I should look into it. I need a night out.

In other news: WHITE OUT. RALLY IN THE VALLEY. PSU VS OSU. I am so pumped for this weekend. And Matthew & The Judes (a fun band from PSU) is playing the noontime concert series at the HUB on Friday. It is going to be a good weekend. I can tell.

I don't know what to say, really. I am in a really in-between stage right now. I'm hoping to make things better. Things aren't terrible, though. But they could be better. I've been breaking out of my shell a teeny bit, talking more to people I'm not that familiar with, opening up a little to people I am familiar with. The former is going well, the latter... well, let me just say that maybe there was a reason I never spoke up before. I mean, if things aren't broke, don't fix them, right? I've made some mistakes over the past few weeks, over the past few days, even, but I'm learning from them what not to try any more in the future. I know this isn't much of an update. I'm sorry. I wish I had something more definitive going on in my life, trust me, I really do.

Here's to more definitive days.

I'm thinking of deleting my LJ. No one reads this anymore. Not that I blame anyone, I don't see why you would. But if I'm going to be writing to myself I'll just keep a personal journal, then. I don't know. Maybe I just need to find another site, or friend more people on here? 

I've been admitting secrets in the form of postcards. Yes, I've sent in a Post Secret or two this past week, and have a few more in mind. Maybe one day I'll be brave enough to admit these secrets to people I actually know, but for the time being it's all baby steps. Just knowing they're out there, somewhere, for someone to know is thrilling and terrifying, even knowing that no one will know that it's mine.

I should be studying. Instead I'm going to go to sleep and wake up early to go to the gym/study before class. We'll see how well that goes for me.